Internet/Massage?

Location: The Fringe Bar, Oxford Street 


Status: Fucking busy!


Summary: Every Monday they have stand-up comedy whilst you sit and stuff your face with food. Arrived about 7:30pm and the place was already heaving. I didn't have the foresight to pre-book a table so we were told that we could grab a table in the back area (where you can't see the stage) and move to the bar when the show started. As we didn't fancy standing for a couple of hours I thought we'd just enjoy our food and listen over the speakers. This quickly transpired to be a shit idea as it was just like listening to an audio tape with your mates, which never happens for a reason. You need another distraction for your eyes!

I wasn't sure if I'd get the Aussie jokes and humor. It's no surprise that the ONLY Australian comedy to hit UK TV is 'Summer Heights High'... I don't think you can include Carl Hooper from The Fast Show

Rating: The stand-up comedians were fairly average but they raised a few laughs and it was better than eating a bowl of shit.

Walking around Kings Cross and Surry Hills, a couple of shop signs have stood out for me. Not sure how blatant you can be with this sign, it must be Aussie for "Come in here if you want to wank or get tossed off by a hooker"

and this is just a pure genius name for an off licence.

Last week I was invited to the launch of Everguide (www.everguide.com.au). Everguide is a new digital events and entertainment guide which, as a social butterfly, I welcome because Time Out, Resident Advisor etc. are fucking bollocks over here.

I was promised that there would be lots of Aussie celebs at the launch but this didn't really appeal to me. Unless they are Guy Pearce, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, Paul Hogan, one of the Minogue sisters, Delta Goodrem or any of the Neighbours/Home & Away cast, I wouldn't have a fucking clue who is an Australian celebrity.

However, free booze and pizza along with a DJ set from Flight Facilities did gain my interest so I decided to rock up. If you're not aware of FF, check out this awesome remix:

Their set seemed a tad restrained, more like back ground music set and I'm sure if I saw them at a club it'd be a hell of a lot different. The place was full of 'too cool for school' types with their skinny jeans, checked shirts, boat shoes with no socks and crazy haircuts and but it was good that they invited Alan from 'The Hangover' to come along and draw random crap on the walls

The event took place at Lo-Fi gallery, which was the same venue as the Semi-Permanent after party, that I attended a couple of weeks. I like the place as it reminds of warehouse venues in Shoreditch, where they just gave up when it came to finishing the ceiling leaving all the pipes and wiring exposed.

During the night I thought I'd walked into the wrong toilet when I opened one of the cubicles to find a young lady taking a piss/dump in there. Her scream startled me but I was relieved to find I was in the right toilet when I spotted the urinals on the wall.

I love the toilets in Australia. So much better than the UK. Back home you can just flush or not flush. That's not a choice, it's more like a mandate, but in Australia you can flush or HALF flush... and that's so nice! For all those times when you're not sure and you think it's such a shame to get rid of all of it, especially if the corn on the cob cost you $8 and you don't chew properly.

Last Friday, I went along to the China Town to check out the Friday night markets. Luckily there was no sign of the usual Chinese 'street' food (bird foetus, cockroaches, dog etc.). I always find Chinese food a little weird. It's like they do normal food but make it weird. For example, when they cook duck, why is it orange?!

Decided to eat in one of the food courts. When trying to order food from one of the food stalls, the conversation went something like this:
Me: What's in that Thai Salad?
Oriental Girl: Papaya
Me: What's that?
OG: It's a fucking fruit!!
Me: Ok, no need to be so rude.
OG: No need to be such a poof!!

At the food court there was a homeless/mental dude wandering around, wrapped in a smelly blanket, just asking to pick food off people's plates. A dilemma: if you refuse, is he going to jump on you and start biting your face or wap out his willy and wee all over your food? And if you abide, you surely have to throw the food away after his grubby little fingers have touched it, because no doubt, they were picking his arse an hour earlier.

Saturday, I was invited to Pure Ivy's first birthday VIP reception, which took place at a venue called Ivy. I'd not been to Ivy before but heard it was one of Sydney's premier clubs which usually means its full of pretentious pricks and hot chicks. 


Turned up at a surprisingly empty VIP reception with a few mates and I was proved right about my assumption. We shoed our free cocktails and scarpered. I'm sure I'll return to Ivy soon as they get a lot of the top DJs playing there.


In our hunt for a rave we headed to Chinese Laundry, which is another club I'd heard a lot about but never visited before. Upstairs they were playing fairly predictable hip ans r'n'b. Downstairs in the 'laundry' it was a full on sweat box with a low ceiling and a couple of Australia's top 50 DJs (according to dance music website, inthemix) Jeff Drake & Kid Kenobi. Highlight of the night was when they dropped this banging remix. 

On Monday I went to an ice cream parlour called 'Cold Rock' where you can mix ice cream or sorbet with sweets, cookies etc. It kicks my ass, in a good way.

Shalom


xx